The scar on my chest is from aortic heart valve replacement surgery which was done in October of this year. Thiis was preventive (a blessing) and not emergency surgery. Without it I would have likely died in within two years. The story of how I came to have this surgery I hope to tell in small parts through more submissions to Coffee Club. Its an interesting story that started out in 2011 and me weighing 264 pounds. In the picture I’m around 200. The coffee cup is from the Smithsonian and a gift from my daughter. The big book is “Exposed, The Victorian Nudes” a gift to my wife. The book I’m holding is “The Lucifer Effect” and was a gift from a friend I met through Flickr who was an amazing photographer but we’ve lost touch. Although the items were chosen basically at random I realized they are all some sort of gift, and I have been gifted with more time. Somehow it all seems fitting, scars, flab, cup, books and all.
I think it’s really cool how all the items in your photo tell a story. Your progress is astounding - and i’m sure you feel that inside of you. Thank you for taking the time to share with us and i look forward to hearing about your progress in the future.
I’m wanting to type this out while I’m thinking it, because this picture bought up some not-so-nice memories.
Back in July, I was still caught up in a bad relationship. The man behind this picture talked to me and I was short and rude to him. He asked how I was, and I responded in short sentences never asking how he was. I knew he needed surgery eventually.. but didn’t think it was so soon.
I left the relationship and I’ll never forget him telling me he had to have surgery sooner. I think that’s the day I realized I loved him on so many levels. Because all I could think of was ‘Dear God, please let him be okay. Please let me meet him and hug him and tell him I love him.’
And though I haven’t met him yet, I am so fucking glad I get him in my life still. I truly adore him and his wife, and love them to the ends of the universe.
How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?
For myself, I have always had a desire to please. That’s the root of it all for me. I enjoy doting on someone. But on the reverse side of that, I like pushing my boundaries. I need patience for that… but I normally fantasize about being owned. Primal sex videos are the ONLY ones that can get me horny instantly.
I haven’t had many opportunities to physically express my submission. My only physical experience with a Dom lasted a month. I hope to know how that feels one day to submit longer, to fully test myself. For now, I enjoy teasing Sir because I’m a brat 99% of the time. But hearing ‘good girl’ and knowing I make Sir and Ma’am smile helps me have good days.
Just one word, infused with naked desperation; half prayer, half enchantment. It felt like a freezing charm on her soul making her his prisoner, yet setting her free all at once.
~ Genevieve Dewey
Its my favorite word
One day, I’ll be able to do this again and not flinch or panic…
Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?
I have referred to someone very dear to me as my ‘Sir’ since leaving a horrible relationship. He earned that title through kindness. Let me describe him, then I’ll answer the rest of the questions.
Physically, Sir is handsome. I’m a sucker for blue eyes. He reminds me of House (Hugh Laurie) when he dresses up. But beyond that, his character traits are why he is my Sir. He and Ma’am have shown me kindness beyond what I deserve. They are accepting of all my quirks. He is stern but goofy. He is honest and loving. I find myself solely wishing to dote on him and Ma’am. I look forward to the day we can fully explore a d/s relationship. Moving is expensive ;)
Now for the rest of the questions. My ideal relationship would be completely submissive, sort of the form of Master/Slave. However, that will take a long time and a lot of trust. Someone I would submit to needs to be in some sort of relationship. I have tried the ‘play partners’ submission and it doesn’t work for me. I need constant reassurance my submission is desired and appreciated.
So I don’t really have a lot of followers but I like to mark points as I gain more. I missed 150 but now I have 160. So here wife boobs… and she’s reading a pinup book…that I got her, she is just awesome like that.
Next time I’m gonna wait. I lost 3 followers. I’m not even sure who they are.
Completely their loss. :)
1) Does your submission – either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your submission as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
I personally simply use the ‘dominant/submissive’ when referring to the dynamics of the relationship. The man I have chosen as my ‘dominant’ is a strong figure in my life, and when distance isn’t an issue, I hope to fully submit to him. Slowly.